my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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