You're so nebulous sometimes
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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