I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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