This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
