Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize