Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
