I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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