Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
time to smoke my breakfast
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
