just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
its not stalking. its research.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize