Little spoons don't ask big questions
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
