did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
