she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
please come you make the beer taste better
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
