you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All I want is dick and wine.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
