Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize