How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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