found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
