i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
