Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
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