im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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