You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
