I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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