Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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