i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
