Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
