My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
