I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
