Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize