And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
