I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
