White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize