I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Randomize
