Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
