I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
