All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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