She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
