WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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