you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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