i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize