im drinking this country out of the recession.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
