I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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