puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
