He had one of those small greek statue penises
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
