Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
