Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
