HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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