There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
