I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
