anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
