My hand turned me down
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize