Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
time to smoke my breakfast
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
