Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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