Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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