I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
