Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
