i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
