You smell like a Billy Joel song
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
