My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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