Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize