Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
honey bunches of taint.
I wish you could order shots online.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
