Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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