I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
