College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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