I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
