More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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