PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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