Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
"it" just moved
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
