We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
