I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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