she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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