I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
