Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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