She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
