I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
