I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
