im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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