Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
