Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
