Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
