Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
