Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
