fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
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