Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
