absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
