Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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