see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
