We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
