Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Terrible idea I love it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
