i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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