is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
