Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
