I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
